We all want there to be something more.  We want our lives to have meaning.  We want justice to be done because we do not see it happening in this world.  Moreover, we would like to have someone or something watching over us in times of trouble.  It would be great if that giant “something” (god) personally cared about us, like our father or mother when we were little.  It would also be great if our god had great powers to effect our life.

I was raised to believe in one deity.  Specifically, the Christian god of Roman Catholicism.  Of course, this came with the whole concept of the trinity, three persons and one god concept.  Apparently Christians weren’t happy with one god.  Also, Catholics needed some minor deities, so they decided to create saints.  Knowing there was a god, and his son, and spirit was very comforting, not to mention the fact that I had saints looking after my interests as well.  As I grew, matured in thought, I noticed that the stories I had been told about god didn’t match the reality around me.  Miracles had explanations, deities didn’t come to visit, the effectiveness of prayer was random, etc.  As I noticed this, I looked for answers, for some proof of my childhood god.  I found very little.

I am a spiritual person.  I feel as if there is a balance in all of existence.  I want to believe there is ultimate justice in the cosmos.  I want to believe that humans fit into a special part of a divine plan.  I just don’t know what that is.  The stories and fables surrounding such beliefs are insufficient.  In my estimation, they are just that:  stories.

I cannot prove the existence of any god or gods, nor can I prove that some divine presence doesn’t exist.  Either way, the evidence is flimsy.  Many will say, “you must have faith,” but that is just an out.  Saying “I just have faith” means that you believe something without proof.  This runs counter to every other thing we attempt to do with our lives.  We should demand proof for everything that governs our lives, and how we fit in all of existence under some divine master should be no different.

For now, I will stick with this:  the case for god is a weak, if not specious one, but I admit that I just don’t know.  I’m good with that.  A merciful divine master will understand that I am utilizing my faculties as best as has been given.  If god is cruel, well then we’re stuck anyway.


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